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i killed a man

photo courtesy of koodalinee

That’s a sticky situation you seem to find yourself in, friend.


Here’s what you need to do.

Wash the knife in bleach and throw it in a sewer grate across town or a large local body of water.

Smash the teeth out of the head and collect them all, then grind the teeth into dust (IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION THAN WHERE YOU STAY) and dispose of them.

Cut off the fingers and strip the flesh from the bone. Feed the flesh to an animal or go all Hannibal on it and consume it yourself.

Now comes the tricky part.

You’re going to want to get a hold of a ridiculous amount of saran wrap, a large plastic sheet, some garbage bags, a power tool that can dismember a body (pay in cash and buy it from a store outside of your city/town), a change of clothes, and a metric fuck-ton of cleaning supplies.

Got it all? Good.

Roll the body on top of the plastic sheet and dismember it. (You’re going to want to do this in a fairly clear, easy to clean area), blood will spurt out of that body insanely so you better have a good stomach.  

After you’ve got all the pieces nice and transportable, wrap them up in the saran wrap and stuff them in the garbage bags along with the clothes you were wearing when you murdered the victim and dismembered them.

Now, drive to the nearest auto salvage yard and throw the body and the clothes you’re wearing) in the trunk on top of a spare tire or any nearby one you can find, throw a heavy fuelant on top (either a hefty amount of gasoline or some napalm [gasoline mixed evenly with cat litter or orange juice concentrate]). Punch out a tail light, ignite the body, close the trunk, and get home.


Clean so much.

Scrub until you can’t anymore and then fucking do it more. If you think you’re being too careful, you’re not.

Finally find a GROUP of friends (people who understand your murderous tendencies), and form a solid alibi and stick to it…

Oh, and delete your tumblr.

I killed a blueberry

they are either a writer or a murderer 

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